Beast of the Present Age

“Second place… Kamina Yukikaze, Kamina Ice Arena.”

Hearing my name, I headed towards the podium on the rink. Applause rang out from the stands as I lowered my head and climbed up.

…To the second highest step.

The skater who had won gold was already in his place, and I gave him a slight bow as I stood next to him. My mind was somewhere else at the time.

I hadn’t made any mistakes. I scored well in my program components⁠—higher than any of my competitors. My jumps were accurate, and my GOE scores reflected that. Both my spins and my step sequence were determined to be level 4. My program even included three quads of two different types, something that pushed me beyond my usual limits.

But reality is cruel.

The skater who won gold landed five quads of four different types.

…He reminded me of my father when he was in his prime. I instantly thought of him when I watched the replay⁠—they both had powerful bodies and centered their performances around jumps.

A thought immediately entered my mind: I could never win against that. No matter what I tried, I’d always lose against someone with a focus on jumps.

There was nothing that could’ve been done. Nothing I could’ve done. I challenged myself, broke through my limits, but I still lost. After holding conflict in my heart for so, so long, unable to find a meaning in what I was doing, I was finally able to be proud of my own performance… But that happiness was torn away from me. It was as if a terrible fate had come my way.

After the awards ceremony, the skater who would be sent to compete on the world stage was announced. Naturally, it was the one who won gold. Only one athlete could be chosen, and it wasn’t me.

My heart, which was once clear as glass, began to grow muddy, and the dissonance started to take root again. I held my emotions back. For the time being, I had to face forward on the podium with the other medalists for the press to take pictures of us⁠—pictures to be used as they lauded us as the “aces of the new age.”

The skater who won gold kept muttering something into my ear. I assumed he was talking about our jumps, but I was distracted by my thoughts and didn’t catch what he was saying.

After the photoshoot, I was approached by the bronze medalist⁠—a skater who was three years my senior.

“Man, how are you even supposed to compete against a surprise composition like that, right?”

The gold medalist was originally meant to only have two quads in his program. That was the information that was made public, but they abruptly added two more just before the competition.

It’s not a rare occurrence. If a skater’s success rate for difficult jumps improves during a season, some of them decide to make sudden adjustments to their programs to incorporate them.

“If he didn’t make those changes, you’d probably be first,” he said nonchalantly.

His words struck an unpleasant chord in my heart.

“Well, at least we don’t gotta deal with going overseas.”

He grinned as he spoke, but I didn’t know how to respond. There might have been a sense of camaraderie between us since we both lost, but even so, the faint snide in his tone didn’t sit well with me.

“But, anyway…” He slapped his hand on my shoulder as he smiled. “Can’t believe we’re in the same generation as him. Talk about unlucky.

“‘Cuz if it weren’t for him, you’d be at the top.”

I didn’t like what he was saying. I knew that much. I didn’t like his words that stabbed my heart like thorns⁠—words that sounded like a curse.

“His interview freaked me out. Apparently he’s working on his last two quads too. The guy’s a beast.”

I also remembered that from our joint interview. If he fully mastered all six of his quads…

How could I ever win against a beast like that?

Everything ahead of me was growing dark. If I couldn’t jump as well as him, I’d be fighting a losing battle… For how long would I be struggling? Forever?

But there was still something I could do.

I faced the darkness and made a declaration. I still had room to grow with my jumps. I could continue to improve my expression. If I kept moving full steam ahead, I could stand at the top of the podium one day.

…But still.

Was that really what I was skating for? The longer I thought about it, the more distant that vast lake of ice seemed.

“Is that skater still your rival to this day?” Liguang asked me after I finished telling my story.

“He is. Since then, he’s continued to win gold at the JPN Championships. That’s the main reason why I’m called a silver collector by the media.”

“I see…” Liguang’s brows furrowed slightly. I’m sure he was feeling upset on my behalf. He really was such a kind little brother.

“Sorry, I’ve been talking for quite a while. I can get us tea, if you want some.”

“No need. I have something else we can drink.” He returned Haku to his cage and pulled a bottle of alcohol off of the shelf. Liguang’s drink of choice was usually Shaoxing wine, but that day he had with him a bottle of whiskey.

“…My favorite.” I smiled.

“Don’t think too deeply of it. I just picked it up somewhere.” Liguang explained curtly. Despite his words, I knew he went out of his way to choose it for me.

“I’ll take mine on the rocks. How about you?”

“I’ll have the same.”

I pulled out some ice from the small freezer we kept in the room and poured myself a glass.

The whiskey was expensive and well-aged, releasing a fragrant almond aroma as I lifted the glass to my nose. Its taste was smoky and bitter, followed by a mellow sweetness that spread across the tongue.

“Tastes great.”

“Agreed.”

We sipped our drinks in silence for the time being, the room quiet enough to hear the occasional faint squeaks of Liguang’s rabbits.

I relaxed my body into the peaceful atmosphere as I muttered, “…I felt a lot of pain back then, but I think I’ve found hope again.”

At my words, Liguang turned to face me.

“That rival is still a tall hurdle for me. I have yet to clear it, but I haven’t given up. But more than that…” I looked down at the omamori on my lap. “There’s someone out there who loves watching me skate… I’ve even resolved things with my dad after so many years, and I’m finally working towards my ideal style. This is who I am now, and this is how I want to win against him.”

Liguang nodded in approval, continuing my thought by encouraging me, “Sometimes having a good rival helps you grow stronger.” I agreed with him in response. His eyes unfocused for a moment, as if he was stuck on what to say, but he looked at me soon after.

“You’re a strong man. That’s the mindset you should keep living by. You lead a very rich and fulfilling life, after all… That’s what I believe, at least.”

“You’re so kind to me, Liguang. I’m glad I get to share a room with such a considerate little brother.”

He prepared to say something in retaliation, but instead, the tension in his shoulders faded away as he breathed out a laugh.

“…Whatever you say. I lose this time.”

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but I could feel that he was complimenting me.

My rival was indeed formidable, but even so, rather than fighting against him, I wanted to face myself more than anything. I wanted to win against myself before facing him.

I wanted my desire to win to be pure.

I’d clear up all of the dissonance I’ve been holding onto and find my own balance between skating to express myself and skating to win.

“Bring home the gold, Yuki-nii.”

You said you wanted it, so I can keep aiming for it.

As the thought gently floated in my head, I closed my eyes in prayer.

Anything to recall the smile you showed me all those years ago.