The Ultimate Program
After doing some warm-up stretches and leaving the rink to rehydrate, I noticed my phone light up. Picking it up, I start reading the messages rushing in from my PeChat group with my TCG friends.
“Did you guys see the weekly TCG Gamers report?”
“But of course. ‘Mister Malice, the Gatekeeper, Finally Releasing Large Chunk of Collection?’ This is huge for us”
“You guys think they’re gonna release Legacy Eight cards too? Maybe they’ll sell the Icicle Palace card Kazeyuki-shi wants!!!”
Watching them passionately discuss the news makes me unconsciously smile. I’m touched to see that they’re thinking of me.
“Thanks for telling me… If they do actually sell it, I’ll do what I can to get it.”
I place my phone down after typing out a reply and retie the laces on my skates, ready to head back to the ice. In order to practice the program I started this year, I need to start by mastering each element one by one. After I run through it once, I start the music and try it again and again until I’m satisfied with the results.
It’s repetitive, simple work. Some might even describe it as boring. But I continue on, because I believe that my answers lie beyond it. It’s all for the version of myself I dreamed of. I need to skate freely, I need to skate as if I’m dancing, I need to skate as if it was more natural for me to be on ice than on land. I dedicate my all into practice just to chase after that feeling.
No matter how many times I see that dream and feel myself skating within it, I still haven’t caught up to that version of myself. It’s as if he’s looking down on me from a place high, high up. He’s telling me to make my way to him.
For what reason was I born? What do I live for? I couldn’t tell you the answer.
But sometimes I wonder.
I wonder if my life’s purpose lies within finding a way to skate on that lake, under that castle, with the best program I could possibly muster.
I wonder if my purpose lies within making sure he sees all of it with his own eyes.
“
I let out a soft murmur, step forward, and jump.
The instant I flawlessly land back on the ice, images of the Icicle Palace and
The skill and the card. Once I have those…
“Take me there… Take me to the place of my dreams.” I whisper to my beloved, who isn’t present to hear me.
Encased in the music echoing throughout the rink, I close my eyes, and skate as my heart wants. Beyond these countless hours of practice lies the view I must reach for. The one I wish for with my entire being.