Brotherhood
“Raito.”
In my dreams, I heard Nayuki’s voice from when we were young.
“Raito, let’s hold hands.”
He would always follow me around. I just found him so adorable.
He’d smile up at me whenever I reached my hand out to pat his head. He was so small, yet still so clever.
We were always together.
Even as I walked home on the day I received my death prophecy, he was there with me.
The sky was burning bright orange. There was nobody else around. It was as if the world had left us behind.
It hurt me to see Nayuki’s eyes brimming with tears. I wanted him to laugh everything off and smile again.
“Dang it! I was one year off from joining the 27 Club,”1 I joked.
He immediately lost his temper. He was convinced that there had to be an exception, that I wouldn’t die, so, in his anger, he started his research on the history of the death prophecy.
But there wasn’t a single exception. I was going to die at 28. After he came to terms with that, he poured his soul into granting my every wish.
I was so happy, Nayuki. I was happy that every time I tried to end my own life, you’d get mad at me. I was happy that you cared for me.
You feared my death more than I did. You detested it more than I did. You were my salvation.
But I was too selfish, so you ran out of affection for me.
When you left me, I was crushed, but I also felt a sense of relief. I thought it would be better for you to move on without having to accommodate for a life as rotten as mine.
And yet, when you put me in prison, I felt happy again. You still thought of me.
If you wanted me to, I would’ve stayed there until I died.
If I still had the chance to do something for you, then…just that would’ve be enough.
But the winds of fate brought me to your side once again.
I’m sure you were displeased to see me. You always had a conflicted expression on your face when you looked at me.
When that man came to stab me…
I didn’t move, because I believed that I simply wouldn’t die. But I also thought that if I did die, I’d be content with it.
All of these disgusting feelings inside of me were out in the open. I didn’t have it in me to continue living anymore.
I don’t have anything to my name. Not a long lifespan, nor love… Even my kind personality is a facade.
“Would Nayuki even care if I got stabbed?” I thought. I felt like a monster.
I never would have guessed that you would be put at risk in my place.
…I’m so sorry, Nayuki. I don’t know what to do.
I’d do anything to go back to our lives before I received my death prophecy.
Even if it’s impossible, I want to stand up straight and face you. I want to accept all of the anger that you’ve sent my way…
So, please, wake up. I’m begging you. Nayuki…
Nayuki…!
*stool clattering*
Nayuki!!
Yes, I can hear you. You don’t have to say my name that many times…
Nayuki?!
Lord, my ears… Stop putting your hands all over my face.
…You’re alive… Thank god…
……
You’re smiling like a real human for once.
Huh?
It’s nothing. President Oguro and the chief stopped by earlier. You were fast asleep, so they didn’t try to wake you up.
Ah, I-I see.
They told me the details of the incident. The man holding the knife was…
Well, to put it simply, he was the man I deceived.
Hm…? Uh… What does that mean?
I’m sure you’ve realized that I took advantage of the internal conflict within EDG3. I instigated the members who still held grudges.
Y-Yeah… You asked me to meet you for the first time in a while…and when I got there, the assault had just happened.
The man with the knife was friends with the man who was stabbed there. He doesn’t know about any of the details, so he must’ve directed all of his anger towards you.
So karma is the real reason why I’m in this hospital. Don’t try to act almighty and say that it’s your fault.
…But I’m still the root of the problem. I would’ve preferred dying over seeing you get hurt.
…… *smack*
Ow…
What are you saying? I’m not dead. I don’t want to hear that nonsense out of you.
No, I honestly did feel completely hopeless. I was…afraid that you’d die.
I’ve always believed that you’d be by my side when my life comes to an end…
In hindsight, I realize that it was strange of me to expect that from you, knowing how much you resent me, but…the thought comforted me.
I never thought that you might die before I did.
Now you know what it feels like to be left behind. Serves you right.
…I’m sorry, Nayuki.
*sigh*
…How about we have a talk, since we’re here?
…?
Don’t look at me like a kicked puppy. It’s not cute coming from a gigantic grown man like you.
I’ve been meaning to ask you this… How did you feel after I put you in prison?
Hm… I was happy.
……
WHAT?! It’s like you’re TRYING to piss me off!
N-Nayuki. Your heart rate is spiking. Calm down.
Ugh…
I was happy… Of course I was. Anyone would be if their distant brother showed that he still cared about them.
……
When you learned about my prophecy, you were the only person who would stay by my side to fight against it. So when you grew cold…I felt lonely.
*sigh…* Tch.
If you want people to care about you, then treat them like actual human beings. That doesn’t just apply to me, but to everyone else too.
You tried to accept your own death to act brave and “enjoy life” or whatever… And just jumped in front of whatever was thrown your way.
After you reach your goals and have your fill, you turn your back to everyone who admires you and walk off.
All of your relationships are only surface-level, and you never form close bonds with anyone.
That’s all because you feel like you’re different from everyone else. In your mind, there are only people who’ll die, and people who won’t.
But anyone can die at any point. They don’t need a death prophecy for that.
…!
Kinouchi-kun came to you for advice regarding Natsuyaki-kun, but you ignored the situation. That’s what your problem is.
You’re…right… I’m sorry.
I worked so hard to make mahorova for you, but you got bored of it and sold it off like it was nothing. You’ve always been that way.
And now you’re trying to quit Ev3ns when the group hasn’t even achieved anything yet…
Even though you’re flawed, so many people still look up to you. But you cut them off without a second thought.
I don’t know what to say…
Do you know what you should’ve done instead?
……
…Keep working on mahorova… Stay connected to the people I’ve met… And try to understand Tao’s concerns.
I’m not saying that you actually have to do any of that. I just wanted you to have the belief that you should.
And I should’ve listened to you whenever you tried to stop me.
Well, that’s a given.
…You’re the only brother I have.
……
…I just want you to live like everyone else does.
……
You don’t only have three years left. You still have three years left. That’s more than enough. I’m still going to fight against it.
Stop living like you’re going to die soon. Because even if you don’t care…the people who you leave behind would be devastated.
And deep down, I know that you’re upset about it too. Stop neglecting yourself.
Nayuki…
…I thought that you had already accepted my death.
Where did that come from?
When you distanced yourself from me, I felt that you had given up on me. That I was going to die anyway, so there was no use in fighting.
…I never thought that. Piece of shit.
I’d never give in to that ridiculous prophecy or your death.
…I see… Haha.
Why are you laughing? This isn’t the time for that.
I’m not sure myself. Maybe…I’m just happy to see that you’re still fighting against my death.
If that’s your train of thought, then it means that you haven’t accepted your own death either.
Don’t live recklessly just to run away from your true feelings.
…You’re right, Nayuki. I don’t think I’ve fully come to terms with my death.
Hmph…
That aside, you always bemoan the fact that you’re incapable of loving people. I think that’s really funny.
…?
Would someone like that be this shaken up by their brother getting stabbed? You’re completely pale, and you sound exhausted.
You think that love’s some almighty, precious force, when it’s not. Who decided that it should be? That’s all in your head.
You can find love anywhere. I don’t believe that you’re devoid of it.
Nayuki…
People who can’t love others would never take on false charges for someone and go to prison in their place. I planned that out because I knew how compassionate you were.
So if you understand that, don’t be stupid and decide that you’re quitting Ev3ns… I’m going back to sleep.
Talking to my piece of shit brother has worn me out.
Haha…
…Don’t pat my head. I’m not a child.
I’ll listen to you… So just let me pat your head as a little reward.
……
Fine.
Footnotes
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The 27 Club is a list of celebrities (mostly musicians) who have died at 27. ↩