The Angel’s Origin

F’example, when th’ famous Scrine Duduster discov’d that there’zza SNAIL on th’ backa a human’s skull!

Okay, can we stop talking about that now? It’s kinda grossing me out…

Ma’am, could I have some seconds on the⁠— Huh?! Wait, I can choose between fresh and fried scallops?!

Oh no, they both sound so good…!

(They’ve been here for over three goddamn hours! When’re they gonna get the fuck out already?!)

Lishen t’meeeeee!

I am! Just please stop talking about gross things.

Why are you stopping him? I find his musings to be absolutely very interesting. I’d positively love to hear more without a doubt.

You’re drunk too, aren’t you…? You’re speaking a little strangely.

Is that so? I suppose I can’t really follow it my cell dough… Oh?

Ahahaaee! I didyun know y’could act like that, Yoda. M’brain’s all fuzzy ‘n’ spiiinny… *slurp* Gaaahhh!

Yoda… You’re quite the world champion at giving nicknames.

Chief, were you listening to me?

Ah, yes…

You were talking about why people always lose their socks in the laundry, right?

Right. People usually keep their socks together by turning them inside out at the ankles but they only do that when they’re storing their socks in a drawer or something so when they actually have to wash their socks they’re usually separated right yes I understand that

But one pair of socks is never enough because there’s this old story about a woman who lived in a cold region and she had one pair of wool socks and one pair of lace socks but one winter night she decided to go to the laundromat and

(Ahh… This long story is making me feel even more drunk…)

Nice to see everyone havin’ fun.

I’ll just take my time and sip at mine… ’Nother one over here, miss.

*gulp, gulp…* Hahh…

You’ve really been throwin’ back the drinks, Angel Kid! Didn’t expect someone with a cute lil’ face like yours to be a heavyweight!

How much didja drink? Almost two liters, right?

Hmph. Two liters isn’t nearly enough to satisfy me.

(Damn, that fucker…)

(He always drinks a shitton without carin’ ’bout what it’s doing to Toi’s body…!)

They always say that the cutest ones tend to be the heaviest drinkers… Hm?

Where’d I put that muddler I was just using?

Look near the sink.

Huh? Oh, there it is.

Thank you, deary. Were you watching me when I put it down?

Hmph… I do not partake in such cheap tricks. As evidence… Your phone shall soon ring.

Wah! I-It actually did.

Ohh, pretty cool trick there, Angel Kid!

Precognition? That’ll make you a real hoot at parties!

So you deem me a party attraction? How bold of you. Do you think of my power as mere child’s play?

That is a notion so foolish that it’s almost charming.

Man, I’ve been thinkin’ this the whole time, but the way you talk’s kinda weird too. Is that kinda thing popular on the mainland these days?

Your wretched bodies shall be the vessel for my next performance. What will become of a human when their soul is pulled out from their mouth, I wonder?

Our souls? Kinda sounds like somethin’ a demon would say.

Ahhh, sorry ’bout that. Just go along with the guy.

He’s goin’ through a phase right now.

Ahh, I gotcha. They start acting like ninjas or whatever around that age.

That takes me back. I gotta whoooole lotta embarrassing notebooks at my folk’s house from when I was goin’ through that phase.

You, large man. What do you mean by “going through a phase”?

Uhh, well, y’knooow, it’s kinda like…

Hey, I’m not sure if I should tell ’im. He won’t get his feelings hurt and start cryin’, won’t he?

If that does happen, I’ll take responsibility for it and stay by your side for life. For life. For wife?

Toyyy, no, Toy num’ two! I havun met y’since the aaaairplane riiide!

I’m shooo int’rested in you! Lessbe friiieeends.

I refuse. I like humans.

!

Ahahaha! Even moore in’restin’!

Well, guess I gotta tell ya now. Listen, kid. What you’re goin’ through’s called an “edgy phase”.

Happens to everyone during puberty. It’ll pass, kinda like a cold.

All of us went through it at one point. It’s part of growing up.

Hah! So it is a sickness!

The attempts I have long seen from your kind to assign meaning to the absurd are so pathetic that they bring tears to my eyes. A truly frivolous pattern of thinking, and yet, so very human.

Damn, Toi’s good at this.

I shall explain it in a way you utter fools can comprehend.

My name is Oshisha-sama. I am an angel, here to grant you humans salvation.

Angel…?

Oshisha-sama?

I have been called by many additional names. For instance…

Astaroth, among others.

I see. So that’s what Toi’s going for.

He really thought this through. Both of the names are super cool.

An angel… Sim’larly to “loneliness”, I haff no persheption of the concept. Earth is sooo wonderful! So exciting!

Angel… Hope… Salvation… Saltvation… Salt… Spring rolls… Shark fin… Wok…

Alright, quiet down, big guy. Don’t overcomplicate things.

Spatula…

Ahaha!

Toy. Toy, Toy. I alwaysh knew you were a supernatchral bein’ that compleeeetely surpassed all yoomans!

SOOOOO, I’m in’rested in yeww! There’s abs’lootly NOTHING in th’ big wiiide un’verse that y’can’t explain with science!

So f’you’re an angel, we can go back to m’planet, ‘n’ I can dissect you into tiiiny lil’ pieces!

……

Ah, this is an act too…

Oh, so Netaro-kun’s thing is that he’s an alien!

Yeb!

Then maybe I can be someone from the inner earth. I kind of wanna be the god of travel though.

Then I’ll be…an undercover police officer conducting an investigation.

Oh, or perhaps I could be a spy trying to uncover the secrets of the government.

…I’ll go with the safe choice and be a flower fairy…

I think you should go with something more outlandish to go with the theme…

Oh, true… Hmm…

Guys, you don’t gotta think about it so hard. Just say whatever pops into your head.

Maybe you were born from nuclear fission, or you just woke up from bein’ frozen, or you have a mysterious zipper on your back. Just somethin’ stupid.

Any f’you ever try climbin’ space debriiiis? Once y’try it, you’ll be hooked!

Exactly. Just do something random. No idea what the hell this guy’s talkin’ ’bout though.

…I’m going to the bathroom.

Ah, okay. It’s outside, so be careful.

I traveled here from a different dimension, and in my world, I was a woman working a dead-end office job, but due to certain circumstances, I have become a serial killer, and one night, I was hit in the head with a spatula⁠—

Hahahaha! Yeah, that’s the ticket!

Th’ thing that confuses m’the the MOST about this plan’t is the concept’a male ‘n’ female…

Someone from the inner earth would admire the sun, I guess. Like, they’d be moved to tears after seeing the sun for the first time!

Alright, maybe I’ll be a miracle doctor for mine.

Hey, hey. Do angels come’n male ‘n’ female?

……

Hey, heyyy. Whazza def’nition of an angel?

……

Heey, heeey! Can angels diiie?

……

Netaro-kun, I don’t think he’s considered that much, so you shouldn’t pressure him…

Are y’really an angel?

…Hahaha…

HAAAAAHAHAHAHA…!

Waaahh!

T-Toi-kun?!

Hey, inside voices, man!

…’Twas entertaining at first, but I have now grown tired of this drivel.

Rejoice. I shall show you my true power.

……

(The moon’s so pretty.)

(I always feel so lonely at night, but not today…)

(I have all of these people who’ll spend time with me until the sun rises. I have delicious sake and great food. I feel so fulfilled.)

(This is what it means to travel. Traveling is amazing. I wish this night would last just a little bit longer.)

(Maybe I should give some flowers to the chief while I have the chance… I have some pressed flowers I put into my bag, so I ca⁠—)

Hm?

(I hear a weird rumbling noise… It’s coming from deep below the ground…)

Woah… Is it…an earthquake…?