Undeserved Happiness

Ryui-kun took the sandwiches.

Alright, that’s good. C’mon, start eatin’ your breakfast.

I’m sure he regrets what he said, Nagi.

…But I feel bad about it.

Why? Ryui shouting at you is simply another form of cowardice. You have nothing to feel bad about, Gii.

……

(He seems upset…)

I know! I can help you meet your mother, Gii!

Huh?

How?

I do not rely on unscientific methods such as divination or gods.

I can use your DNA as a reference to recreate your mother. Ahh, or, if you prefer, we can find her remains and take a sample from it instead.

You can’t.

Netaro, I know that you try hard to understand us, but I don’t think you can, so don’t talk to me right now.

Ah…

And Ryui didn’t do anything wrong. He’s not a coward. I just had some weird expectations, which put him in a hard situation and made him angry.

Nagi-kun…

Breakfast was good, Chief. Thank you.

(He left…)

Yikes, am I right…?

This really backfired on us… I’m sorry.

Don’t be discouraged. Wounds heal faster after they’re cleaned.

Right… Netaro-kun, next time⁠—

Huh? He’s gone.

He left shortly after Nagi did.

Hmmm…

I’ve never seen Gii angry before.

(What is this feeling…?)

I guess it’s an emotion that aliens don’t understand. Like, maybe your bodies aren’t made that way…

“I go about saying how pained and tormented, how lonely and sad I feel, but what do I really mean by that”…

(What does it…really mean…?)

……

You’re up.

…Gi-kun… Is Nagi-kun okay…?

……

He must be upset from what I told him. I made him really unhappy, didn’t I?

S’not your fault. It’s Astaroth and the Shiramitsu family’s fault.

And…it’s my fault too. I said some pretty awful things to him just now.

…Then it’s both of our faults.

…Toi, I went to Hakodate to find a way to exorcize Astaroth. I wanted to go to Aomori to search for the roots of the Shiramitsu family.

But I ran into a wall in Hakodate.

There’s some powerful spiritual energy there, so it must’ve been hard for you, since you can take a lot of damage from that.

I can’t find anythin’ with the way I am now. I left you all alone just to come up with nothin’. It’s pathetic.

But I won’t let things stay this way, so don’t worry. I’ll exorcize that demon outta you and fucking kill them.

I’ll free you from the Shiramitsu family.

……

(Would he be hurt if I told him that Aa-chama isn’t as evil as he thinks they are? Would he get angry if I told him that I talk to them and ask them for advice through our exchange diary almost every day?)

(I don’t want him to hate me. I need to stay by his side forever.)

(If I tell him that he caused my unhappiness, would that curse him with an eternity by my side?)

Hm? What’s wrong?

*sigh*

Brother Dearest, this is your book. I’m sorry for hiding it from you.

Ah! No, I should be the one sayin’ that. Sorry for keepin’ it a secret.

Six Codes Compendium… Brother Dearest, are you studying law? Is that what you want to go into?

Ahh… Yeah, sorta…

…After I left the house, another annoying-ass evil spirit started followin’ me around.

Spirits and ghosts really like you. I could always help, if I were with you.

The guy who was takin’ care of me worked in law, so… Yeah.

Hmm… Yeah, you’re pretty good at studying, Brother Dearest.

But I wanted to learn ‘bout law ‘cuz I thought it’d help you one day. There’s no way I’m just gonna leave you in that house.

Toi, if you escaped the Shiramitsu family and didn’t have to do divination anymore, what wouldja do?

Huh…? I’ve never thought about that before…

(As long as I can be by your side…)

Don’t worry ‘bout me, just think about it. I promise I’ll set you free.

……

And you don’t gotta put other people’s happiness first anymore. I want you to think about your own happiness.

My own happiness…

Y’like idols, so maybe you could be an idol? Wait, nah, I don’t want some freak-ass losers to start followin’ you around. Maybe I should be your bodyguard…?

(Does he think that I’m unhappy being a diviner in the Shiramitsu family?)

(Is he not happy that we’re together?)

We can take our time findin’ what’ll make you happy, yeah?

O-Okay…

*sigh*

(The more I think about what happened this morning, the more lost I feel. Nobody was at fault.)

(Maybe none of this would’ve happened if I had just handled things a bit better.)

(But I can’t just sit around being sad. I need to do something…)

(It’s already 2 a.m… I need to get to bed soon, or I’ll feel awful tomorrow. Maybe I should drink some warm milk.)

Hm…? I smell flowers…

W-What happened here…?!

Ah… You caught me.

Nagi-kun?! What are you doing in here with the lights off?

I’m putting out flowers to balance out the happiness I got from being in HAMA Tours.

As a send-off for myself… I guess.

Huh…? Send-off…?

Chief, I’m sorry. I don’t deserve any of this. I’m not cut out to be the team leader.

So I just wanted to give all of you flowers in return for the happiness you gave me.

……

I… I’ve never had such meaningful relationships with people before. It’s something I’ve always wanted, and I had fun, but…

I just feel really…tired… Kind of like I sunk all the way to the bottom of the ocean.

(Ah… Nagi-kun…)

(He wants to leave the HAMA House and HAMA Tours…)

No, I’m sorry too. I pressured you to join, but I didn’t provide you with any support. I’m sorry that I didn’t do enough.

That’s different, so it’s okay. My case is just because of a personal problem…

A part of me probably did give up on finding my mom. More than anything else, I think I just wanted to know if she loved me.

But I can’t find that out anymore. And Toi can’t either.

……

I know I avoided the topic, but that’s just because I’m all confused inside. So it’s not your fault.

Okay… I’m going to go.

Nagi-kun. I promise that we won’t contact you or look for you until you’re comfortable with coming back. So…

I just want you to be kind to yourself. Like you were to us.

Kind to myself…

When you hear lots of different voices and have lots of different things happen to you, you start to feel confused.

So when that happens, it’s okay to forget about everything. It’s okay to sink to the bottom of the ocean until the water clears up.

……

…Okay.

Stay safe.

Take care. And…

…Thank you. Really. For a lot. For everything.