I’ve been skating for as long as I can remember. Both of my parents were professional figure skaters, and my dad expected me to become one too. So I started skating, because for me, it was the obvious thing to do.
I didn’t have any qualms about it. But…
Even though I had a good grasp on most techniques, jumps were the one thing I struggled with. There are six different types of jumps in figure skating. I was able to do five of them. The one that was left—the axel—was so scary to me that I just couldn’t do it.
But all of the kids who trained alongside me could do it. The kids who were younger than me could do it. The kids who started skating later than me could do it.
My dad always said to me, “Don’t give up, you can do it. I believe in you.”
But I could never believe in myself.
One day, you came to watch me practice. Do you remember that? It was a while after I showed you the youth program in the special rink by that brick warehouse.
Even back then…your eyes lit up when you looked at me. I’m sure you were expecting me to show you something extraordinary.
But I was worried. I was worried that I might disappoint you if I failed to land an axel. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I saw the sparkle in your eyes disappear.
So I talked to my dad, “I don’t wanna practice axels today.”
He squatted down and looked me straight in the eye, something he rarely ever did.
“Yukikaze, be brave. That’s the most important quality you need to have in order to jump. I know you can do it. Even if you don’t believe in yourself, I’ll always believe in you. Because you’re my one and only son.”
He believed in me. Just hearing those simple words sparked courage within me.
At least, that’s what I thought it was. I’m sure that the powerful and encouraging feeling that welled up in my heart was courage.
I wanted to jump. I wanted to be brave. I wanted to try my hardest, even if I showed you the most disgraceful, pitiable side of myself.
I built up my momentum, and jumped. Fear crossed my mind, but my dad’s voice cut through it.
“It’s alright! Be brave and jump!”
With his voice gently pushing me forward, I did my first axel.
When I jumped, the first things I saw were your eyes sparkling in delight, and…my dad’s smile.
(I didn’t know any of this… He had so much on his mind when he did that axel. It always seemed so easy for him that I never even thought about it…)
After that, my dad came up to me and hugged me, which he almost never did. He kept telling me that I’d be able to land a quad axel1 one day… I believed him.
…I know this might not make sense, but… Expressiveness was something I wanted to show you, and my jumps were something I wanted to show my dad.
I think it makes perfect sense. When we were little, I loved watching you skate because it looked like you were dancing, and Uncle Sadayuki loved watching you land those tough jumps.
So you…worked really hard so you could make both of us happy.
…I see. Maybe you’re right.
…Kafka said that he’s able to do his best because there’s a sight he wants to see with someone. I’ve been thinking about that. What do I want to see and with whom?
I told you about it before, but one of my greatest goals in life is…to skate in that place I saw in my dream. I’m not sure if you remember that.
…! I totally do!
I promised I would take you there. I still want to help make your dream come true, even now.
…Right.
Thank you… That makes me really happy.
(Me too. It was kind of a silly promise, but…Yuki-nii still remembers it.)
I want that view to be the crown jewel of my life…but my feelings about that goal are different from how I feel about competing. I want it for my own happiness.
But in order to get there, I need to do well in my competitions first. I…don’t think I want to give up on my dream of seeing the view from the top of the podium yet.
Mhm.
And when I stand at the top of that podium… I want my dad there, beside me.
I have faith that I can win, but the only person who believes in me more than I do is him.
I think so too.
…I’m sure that you and your belief in Kafka was what made him grow stronger.
Having someone believe in you and looking out over the same view together… I think that’s what happiness feels like.
But at the same time, I want nothing more than to change so that I can become someone who believes in others and in myself…
That’s true, but having faith is hard. Even on this trip, I’ve wanted to tell Kafka to knock it off so many times! But since you were there, I kinda just left it all to you.
…I see. You find it hard too?
Yeah, of course. It’s not easy to balance your own feelings and your well wishes for other people. But…that’s just another part of life.
…Yeah. I want to convey these feelings to our guests during my Feature Tour. Would that be a good idea?
A sight you want to see with someone else. Dreams and goals that you want to achieve. It doesn’t matter how small the goal is or who that certain someone is. I want our tour guests to understand that feeling.
If someone can leave the tour feeling like their life was changed… That would be perfect.
I think it’s great! Get it down on paper and talk to Kafka about it. I can help you think about the details.
Yeah… Thank you,
You’re amazing. You always help me feel better. You already do so much for me every day by just breathing…
Again with the exaggeration?!
…Yuki-nii, I know you wanna be an older brother figure to everyone, but don’t be afraid to rely on others. Everyone in the Morning Team would love to help out.
You’re right… I’ll try.
Also… I want to invite my dad to this tour.
There’s a sight I want to see with him, and I want to tell him that. I think…that it’s time for me to believe in him.
…Yeah!
Footnotes
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The quad axel is a notoriously difficult jump in figure skating. As of 2024, only one person has successfully landed the jump in competition. ↩