The Anemic Killer Crabs Strike Back!1
*door creaking open*
Hello…?
(This is the Leo Movie Theater, right? Nobody’s h—)
……
Eek!
Oh… Teach, it’s you…
You scared me… What are you…wearing…?
Me sorcerer horseshoe crab. Me curse this world.
O-Oh, I see… That’s an interesting way of speaking.
……
Um… I’m here because I saw this.
Human want tissue… More there… Lots.
(That box is overflowing with tissue packs…! I guess he ordered too many…)
Please take. Take all.
I can’t do that! You can hand them out at your next screening, so you should keep them!
……
(Akuta-kun looks so downtrodden. He’s usually so excitable. I never would’ve expected this from him… I feel really bad.)
Can I…sit next to you?
Do whatever…
Thank you.
I didn’t know this place was still open. I thought it shut down a long time ago.
No open. Me secret spot. Me sneak in.
But you’re holding a screening…
Me rent projector. Me work lots. Demolition. Personal grocery shopping. Dog walking.
I see… You worked really hard for this. I don’t think it’s good to sneak in here though.
……
(He’s swinging the tail of the hat around sadly… Is there anything I can say to cheer him up?)
Let’s wait here together. Someone might come.
Nah, it’s okay. My butt kinda hurts… Haha…
……
So, like…
This place used to be an entertainment hub for the city.
Yeah. I’ve heard about that.
I wanted to bring people here again.
If I were more famous and an intergalactic movie director…
If I were someone who could move people…
Akuta-kun…
Don’t say that about yourself, cheer u—
Then…I’d be super popular with the ladies…and they’d be all over me…!
And then we could all play tag shirtless on the moon! And then we could meet the bunnies that live there and eat a frick ton of mochi!
And then we’d build a huge 365-room mansion there and party and drink shots every night!
AKUTA-KUN.
Yessir?!
I really want to see the movie you were planning on showing. Can you get it ready?
Of…course I can!
I’m ready, I’m SUPER ready! I can get it up there faster than light!
Look, look, look! This is a real movie projector! Awesome, right?!
It’s crazy. It has so many years under its belt, there’s nothin’ else like it!
Hey, didja know that they project movies right from the film? From the FILM! Isn’t that insane? It’s not digital!
And the color isn’t projected through, like, electrical signals! The colors are EXACTLY what they’re like on the film!
So I put a lotta focus into the look of it!
So feast your eyes! This is Attack of the Anemic Crabs!
*music playing*
<NOOOOOOOO!!>
<What happened?! I just heard a screa— Jessica?! Jessica, are you okay?!>
<JESSICAAAAAA!>
<Another one…>
<All of these victims were killed in the same way—stabbed in the head with an incredibly sharp blade.>
<Almost as if…they were stabbed with the tail of a horseshoe crab.>
<Gr-Grahahhhhhh!>
<The sorcerer is afraid! But of what…?!>
<Is it…afraid of needles?!>
<I see… Your kind have had your blood extracted for medical use for thousands of years… You must resent us humans.>
<I understand how you feel, sorcerer.>
<However… This is goodbye.>
Didja like it?!
Um, well… It was very unique… Kind of avant-garde? Like a roller coaster of emotions…?
Very unprecedented…and, uh…
Kind of confusing.
(Ah. I said it out loud…)
Confusing?! HELL YEAH! That’s awesome! Woohoo!
(He’s happy… I didn’t mean to be so brutally honest, but I’m glad I didn’t hurt his feelings.)
(But…)
(Would it kill for people to at least show up and support him?)
……
(Calm down… Akuta-kun’s probably way more upset about this than I am.)
(He was the director and the lead actor for this movie. Maybe it was confusing, but it was still amazing.)
(I won’t show him the info packet. I’ll just go home. I don’t wanna ruin the mood.)
I’m going to head home.
Stop.
Huh?
You wanted to talk to me about somethin’, right?
Well…
You can talk…since you watched my movie.
These pork buns are SO FRIGGIN’ GOOOOOD! Yo, can I get 20 more of these?!
Sure. Order as many as you want.
Yippie! Thankya! You’re the bestest! *munch, munch* Mmm, these are insane…!
(He asked me to get him something to eat in exchange for hearing me out, but…)
(I didn’t know that he spent all of his money on equipment, costumes, and tissue packs. He hasn’t had a proper meal in days.)
Are the pork buns enough to fill you up?
Yeah, hell yeah! They’re huge and super tasty and fluffy and filling! I’m eatin’ like a king, dude!
That’s good to hear, but…what about your parents? They’re not gonna say anything about it?
Nope. I live by myself most of the time.
I see…
(His life at home must be complicated.)
Go ahead, eat as much as you want.
Thankyaaa!
You can keep eating, and I’ll explain things to you. This is my project info packet…
We would like the members of the Community Improvement Club to attend a study trip with our company this summer as ward mayor candidates.
Through the study trip, you will be able to experience work similar to what ward mayors do to understand their responsibilities.
At the end of the trip, you will be graded on your performance and your degree of contribution to the completion of the mission assigned on-site.
If you do well enough, you will be officially elected as ward mayor… That’s the process.
This is a copy of the info packet and a consent form for your parents…
I don’t get it. Seems kinda hard.
Hmm, if I had to explain it more simply… Akuta-kun, you want to be popular, right?
Huh? That’s what this is about?!
Yes, it is. Listen carefully, Akuta-kun. I know that you use movies as a way to express yourself, and I think that’s a great way to boost tourism.
If a lot of people watch the movies you make, there will be an increase in the amount of people interested in both your past and your future creations!
……
Plus, it’s not common to be a high schooler and a ward mayor at the same time. You’ll get a lot of attention in school.
And they…
They treated the tissue packs that you worked so hard to make like they were nothing. Who cares if they were at a party? They shouldn’t be so happy to say things like that…
……
You worked so hard to make enough money for your equipment. And everyone who takes your hard work for granted…
You should make them regret not coming to see your movie today! Get back at them!
Haha! You’re more fired up ‘bout that than me!
You got this mean, scary look on your face! You’re funnier than I thought you were, dude!
S-Sorry. I got ahead of myself.
It’s all good. Thanks.
……
Alright… Let’s get this party started! Movies or bust! Popularity or bust!
The other guys prolly don’t wanna join you, right? I’ll smooth talk ‘em right into it, so don’t worry!
I’ll make sure they’re all there for the study trip. Leave it to me!
Th-That’s good to hear. Thank you. But summer vacation starts tomorrow. Do you know how to get in contact with them?
Yep!
(I see. So they keep in touch with each other.)
(That’s weird. They didn’t seem all that close when I met them earlier today.)
Footnotes
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A reference to Crabs! (2021). ↩